Just like with other long-term relationships, sometimes loving ourselves is “just commitment, perseverance, acceptance, or general neutrality,” licensed clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon, PhD, assistant professor at Northwestern University and author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, tells SELF. We don’t have to love everything about ourselves, and certain days will be easier than others. “We often define love in this fairytale sense where everything needs to be perfect and then apply that same pressure to self-love, which isn’t realistic,” Whitney Goodman, LMFT, author of Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy, tells SELF. It’s also not the same thing as being “in love” with yourself, so if the word “love” doesn’t feel right to you, consider working toward acceptance or neutrality. Self-love is neither constant nor permanent. There is no finish line you cross when you officially love yourself. Think of self-love as a practice, not a destination-and define it for yourself.

Read on for their practical tips on how to (actually) love yourself-no inspirational quotes required (but no shame if those help you, either). That’s why we consulted a few therapists who specialize in the topic. However, a variety of factors (trauma, years of self-criticism, and systemic discrimination to name a few) can make this simple-sounding practice way more complicated-and much easier said than done.Ĭhances are, if you’ve clicked on this article, you could use some support in the self-compassion area. Are we really buying it, though? Kat from Euphoria certainly isn’t, but while it may seem cheesy or oversimplified, most mental health professionals will tell you, in one way or another, that being kinder to and more accepting of yourself is important for both mental well-being and healthy relationships. Scroll through Instagram or TikTok and you’ll probably encounter influencer types spouting self-love advice that often ignores the many complex reasons why someone might struggle with self-worth-a barrage of “you just have to love yourself” toxic positivity that was brilliantly (and hilariously) portrayed in the second episode of Euphoria season 2.

Step into your favorite local gift shop and you’ll likely find self-love manifesting candles topped with rose quartz, positive-affirmation card decks, and pillows embossed with Brene Brown self-compassion quotes. How-to-love-yourself advice is ubiquitous these days.

Love & war melissa de la cruz